"It’s really not true that guys are always
in the mood to have sex. But, because
we are told this, women often think that
a guy is just not into us, or that we did
something that put a guy off," …
Women are great at couching things. We are
great at dishing out the worst insult, in the
sweetest way so that the receiver barely knows
whether to smack us or thank us. We don’t like
to be mean. Most importantly, we decide what
to do and say based on what we want the
overall outcome to be. We women don’t always
speak from our gut, but from our heads,
thinking “how will this affect things in the long
run?” Men are a little more reactive. They
aren’t as good at covering up the expression
that just swept across their face, or coming up
with a nicer way to say something. And more
often than not, women take it the wrong way:
1. What does “I don’t know” mean anyway?
When a woman says “I don’t know” it often
means “no I don’t want to do that” “no I don’t
love you” “no I did not orgasm.” “No” is too
harsh for us, so we say “I don’t know” instead.
So when men say it, we think it’s game over.
No he doesn’t love us. No he doesn’t want to
go do that with us. No he didn’t orgasm. But,
usually, when a man says “I don’t know” he
really just doesn’t know, and doesn’t want to
jump to giving an answer yet.
2. Silence after sweetness
This is similar to the “I don’t know”
misunderstanding. You tell your man you are
so excited to spend a whole two weeks alone,
just the two of you, on vacation. You tell your
man you have never loved someone as much as
you love him. You tell him you feel like he fits
into your family perfectly. And he says…
nothing. He smiles. He nods. Women often
read this as very cruel—as the guy passively
saying that he feels the exact opposite way.
The truth is, he may just not feel whole
heartedly the exact same way, and he knows
what a dumb*ss he looks like when he tries to
fake enthusiasm. He doesn’t feel 100% the
opposite as you do, but he doesn’t feel 100%
the same. So he says nothing.
3. Not in the mood
It’s really not true that guys are always in the
mood to have sex. But, because we are told
this, women often think that a guy is just not
into us, or that we did something that put a
guy off, if he doesn’t want to have sex. But, I
have had plenty of exes have their one off
night when they said they just weren’t in the
mood, but they still wanted to cuddle the hell
out of me and tell me how crazy they were
about me. Men’s libidos dip sometimes, just
like women’s. Doesn’t mean they are repulsed
by you.
4. Criticizing your family or friends
Women like to be supported. They like their
men to have their back. So, sometimes, in a
misguided attempt, your man will make a snide
remark about a friend that you have been
complaining about lately, or even say
something critical about your mother if the
two of you have been bumping heads. He is
trying to show he is on your side, but the rule
stands the same for every family; “nobody
makes fun of my family but me.” So, we can
get offended when he is just trying to be
supportive.
5. Taking time out
Not everyone needs to hash things out in a
fight right then and there. Some people need
time to think. Men will often bolt early on in a
fight, saying they don’t want to talk about it,
or need to be alone. And women read this as
them just not caring. When really, even if they
seem pissed or indifferent at first, usually they
go off and think about the fight and how to
resolve it.
6. Needing alone time
For whatever reason, men tend to need time
away from the relationship more than woman
do. Be realistic and ask yourself how often you
hear your female friends complaining that
their boyfriends don’t call enough, don’t plan
dates for them enough, and just aren’t there as
much as she they wish they were. Women are
better at coupling up. So, if we tell a guy that
we need “alone time” or “space,” that is usually
the beginning of the end. If a guy says it, he
might just need some alone time, and when he
returns from it, he will feel just as strongly
about you as he did before.
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