As I lay in bed I remember how it all
started “O I am in love” I don't care what
the world thinks about Ben. Finally I have
seen the man of my dreams the one I want
to spend the rest of my life with. I sincerely
looked forward to a peaceful, loving, family
life. To me, a young inexperience woman,
marriage was an end in its self.
I told myself I had arrived Aunty Allan
called me Anne as I answered she looked me
in the eyes and said “theirs is no home for
you here, you are old enough to know the
truth, go and look for your father and your
people in Enugu now that your mother is
dead I can tell you without fear” you must
go now or as soon as possible I do not want
to see the sight of you anymore.
As I glanced at Lale for support or
protection I soon realize she was party to
the whole plot.
Truth can be stronger than fiction in life
some times. For a split second I thought I
was dreaming yet, there I was alive, aware.
I was shock and numbed to the marrow. My
whole childhood had tumbled away. The
place which had being my dear home for
all my life was now alien and empty.
I finally mate my father and his wife but in
me I felt unaccepted I could not blend into
the family despite all the gesture to be nice
to me by my father's wife I still could not
be part of them. By this time the yearning
for a stable home had grown in me, it was
against this background that I considered
the marriage proposal of my new boy
friend, the elegant, well spoken and
seemingly very well groomed gentleman I
had mate on the bus when I first visited my
sister in Aba.
He was the second young man in my life
who had caught my admiration and to
whom I had responded, like all normal
young girl with ”yes, dear, I love you ” a
very special moment for a young girl, a
time when you fill fulfillment in your life.
I had judge him as an individual away
from his surrounding and environment and
as a result I had over looked some very
important factors in making a decision so
vital in my life. You may ask what I based
my decision on. My answer to that is very
simple. He was a handsome, well built,
rather tall man with husky voice, he
seemed a real gentle man, who wouldn't
hurt a fly, as they say.
Once we where husband and wife in a home
of our own I started to know him, and there
is no doubt that he also began to know me
better too. I had to face the reality that
married did
not mean the pinnacle of life, but was its
stack beginning. It was a hash, shocking
discovery for me. In my mind I said to
myself no Anne, not again there was no way
out, I was in the middle of it all I was
compelled to see it to a finish, for better or
for worse.
Things were happening under my nose in
my own house. I either pretended I did not
see them or I refuse to believe what I saw.
But they came as a rude shock, such a
shock that I refrained from sharing then
with my sister, at least at the beginning, my
image of married life was far removed from
the torture I was exposed to.
I went through both physical and mental
suffering day by day I realized I was being
humiliated and degraded. An experience I
have in recent years come to realize is
suffered by many wives the world over,
within different races, cultures and
religions.
As I lay in bed I pondered seriously what
my next move should be. My experience left
me no other choice but to return home to
my father. That is when I decided to save
myself for myself. By that time the façade of
putting on appearances had lost its
meaning, it was replaced by hurt,
humiliation and total frustration but it did
not kill my desire and determination to
leave my life to the fullness, giving another
opportunity.
I left the marriage. He died four years back.
Now that his dead, I feel he has missed
reading in this article, what my considered
assessment of our ten years of married life
together were to me.
The violence, arrogance, meanness,
downright selfishness which prevailed in
our home eclipsed all the positives of his
intelligence, his well – built stature and
handsome appearance, his financial
acumen-even if this was at the expense of
his family. The atmosphere in that house
left me no alternative but to leave, and in
that way to save myself for myself as well
as for my two sons. ###
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